Kindness, happiness and chocolate

Hello Everyone

Some interesting research in Australia makes one think about the causes of happiness.

The Di Marzio Research group asked participants to rate seven things that made them happy or fulfilled.  Of all the items listed the highest ranking on 36% was “an act of kindness to benefit another”.  This was followed by having a cuddle and third was walking in nature – 12%.

The other things that make people happy but not to the same extent as those listed above are ‘buying something for someone” and ‘volunteering for a charity or community group”.  On the list but ranked the lowest was eating chocolate.

What the research confirms is that our relationships are the most important aspect of our lives and the area most likely to give us happiness and fulfilment.  We gain most meaning when we pay attention to our relationships with each other and the environment.

The concept of random acts of kindness has been around for some time.  And for some it is easier to be kinder to strangers than our immediate family or friends.

This article challenges you to take on being kind as a natural part of who you are and then to let the happiness and fulfilment flow from that position.  Consider, being kind as an unconditional way of living life with no thought to manipulating those around you or expecting an outcome.

Kindness is like a portal to happiness.  It is a choice of the way in which we live our lives.

Be Kind! Live! Love!

Roz Townsend www.roztownsend.com

Stressed or Anxious? Can't do what you normally would do? Then squeeze your left hand.

Hello Everyone

Is it possible that clenching the left hand could help in times of stress?  According to the American Psychological Association in the Science Daily if you are right-handed, this is so.  Their research indicates that say, squeezing a ball activates certain parts of the brain and lessens the impact of stress or anxiety.

Evidently, for highly skilled people many of their actions/skills are automatic with little conscious effort.  However, when people are under pressure they tend not to perform as well.  In these situations, it is likely that they are consciously focusing on those things that they normally do automatically rather than trusting their automatic skills learnt by years of practice.

"Rumination can interfere with concentration and performance of motor tasks. Athletes usually perform better when they trust their bodies rather than thinking too much about their own actions or what their coaches told them during practice. While it may seem counterintuitive, consciously trying to keep one's balance is likely to produce imbalance, as was seen in some sub-par performances by gymnasts during the Olympics in London," said Juergen Beckmann, PhD, chair of sport psychology at the Technical University of Munich in Germany

Rumination is associated with the brain's left hemisphere, while the right hemisphere is associated with superior performance in automated behaviors, the researchers noted. The right hemisphere controls movements of the left side of the body, and the left hemisphere controls the right side. The researchers theorised that squeezing a ball or clenching the left hand would activate the right hemisphere of the brain and reduce the likelihood of being blocked under pressure.

The implications of this research are significant for all people who for a variety of reasons start focusing consciously on those things which once they did automatically.

"Many movements of the body can be impaired by attempts at consciously controlling them," Beckmann said. "This technique can be helpful for many situations and tasks."

Squeeze! Live! Love!

Roz Townsend www.roztownsend.com

Reference: Science Daily Sept 19, 2012

Extrovert? Introvert? or Ambivert?

 Hello Everyone

Many of you no doubt follow the Socratean philosophy that an ‘unexamined life is not worth living’. That is perhaps one reason why you read articles like this. It is likely that, like me, you have already experienced many personality assessment tools and have a fair idea of who you are and your impact on others.

It was with some surprise then when I came across another distinction.  This for me seemed to be a missing link.  It is the term ambivert.  Ambiverts are between extreme introverts and extroverts, their personality traits include the qualities of both introversion and extroversion.

In business this distinction is becoming more important.  Initially, it was thought that extroverted people do best in sales.  The assumption was that extremely introverted people can’t sell anything. The impact on extrovert/introvert in business has become quite an area of interest.  Very recently, emphasis has been on introverts and their success in business.  Introverts tend to think before they speak, pay more attention, get the facts first and are less likely to embellish or gloss over the details. 

Research is coming up with the importance of having both traits of extroversion and introversion.  In purely economic terms, the University of Pennsylvania found that ambiverts made 24% more sales than introverts and 32% more sales than extroverts.

 
The examined life allows one to consider what is missing or where balance needs to be created.  You probably already know your particular personality trait and how to introduce alternative ways of doing things.  The question to consider is  or not you are aware of the impact and if your choices are made consciously.

If you would like a quick assessment of whether you are an ambivert take Dan Pink’s online assessment http://www.danpink.com/assessment

 Choose! Live! Love!

Roz Townsend www.roztownsend.com

Thinking and Drinking

Hello Everyone

There used to be a funny phrase from the controversial English comedy TV show Monty Python’s Flying Circus.  It was I drink therefore I am! It was a send up of Descartes’ famous I think therefore I am.

It was in part a comment on the amount of alcohol people drank and its impact on their lives.  But drink and the types of beverages we consume have played an exceptionally important role in the history of humanity.

Richard Glover points out that the popularity of tea drinking in the 17^th century was a crucial factor in the expansion of the slave trade. Tea along with sugar to sweeten the drink also required vast plantations which then led to the slave trade.

Coffee on the other hand is said to have led to the enlightenment.   Evidently coffee houses took over from pubs as meeting places.  The nature of conversations changed as people were no longer intoxicated and rational thought took hold.

Just last week in New Zealand it was reported that a woman died from overdosing on Coke – she drank up to ten litres a day!

Is it time to consider the unintended consequences of what we drink?  Many of us with pets would only give them water. We would be mortified to think of someone giving them milky, sugary tea or a cappuccino or a gin and tonic or coke. Yet this is what many of us do each day to our own bodies.

What would our mental, physical, emotional and rational health be like if we only drank rain juice? The drink of champions?  Water?  And what is it like for so many in the world who do not have access to it? 

Drink water! Live! Love!

Roz Townsend www.roztownsend.com

Reference:

Richard Glover            The Sydney Morning Herald 9 Feb 2013

Classics - Brain Boosters

 Hello Everyone

 Have you made any New Year’s resolutions?  Are you reading all of the good motivational books (including mine) to get you going?

Well, the research indicates that I, like many other self-help writers, might have to move aside whilst you take on some of the greatest writers.  Evidently, for English speakers it would be the works of Shakespeare and Wordsworth. Other countries have their own classics – the key point is that they are incredible brain boosters.

Academics from Liverpool University found that reading the works of some of the great writers benefitted the mind by focussing the readers’ attention and creating moments of self-analysis.

 Brain scans of those reading the classics showed that as the brain took on more challenging work such as prose and poetry there was a greater level of electrical activity.  This activity increased as the brain encountered unusual words, surprising phrases or difficult sentence structures.

The research found that poetry, in particular, increased activity in the right hemisphere of the brain, an area concerned with ”autobiographical memory”.  Triggering this area helped the reader to reflect or reappraise their own experiences in light of what they had read.  According to the academics, this meant the classics were more helpful than self-help books.

 Literature has the power to shift mental pathways, to create new thoughts, shapes and connections!

Perhaps this article might convince you to add to your resolutions some of the classics from your own culture.

 Read! Live! Love!

Roz Townsend www.roztownsend.com

Reference:

Julie Henry  ‘Classic way to turbo-boost the brain’

Telegraph London January 2013

Christmas 'Presence'

Hello Everyone

With Christmas in the western world many of us thinking about which present to get for those we love.  My challenge is to really get you thinking about which present.

The Australia Institute from their surveys and Adele Horin found out that last Christmas 6 million Australians received one or more presents they never used or later gave away.

The survey also found that more than one in four respondents expect that some of the presents they give will be put in the back cupboard.

Unwanted presents represent a waste of time, money and resources to the value of $798 million each year.

The Director of the Institute also pointed out that our culture of obligatory giving only brings joy to the big retailers and the big banks.  The banks are mentioned because of the habit of funding gifts by use of credit cards.

Unfortunately the survey also found that one quarter of Australians expect to give presents to people they would prefer not to.  And a quarter of these reluctant givers were also unable to pay their credit card debt!

In other words about 1 million Australians are spending money they don’t have to buy presents they’d rather not give.

But the news is not all grim. Nearly four in five respondents would be happy for a donation to be made to a charity on their behalf instead of getting a present.

But most psychologists and relationship counsellors will agree that the best gift you can give someone is your own presence – spending time, making eye contact and really listening to the ones you love.

By this I mean not worrying about how to fix their problems or how soon you can interrupt their talking.  But rather just being present and wanting to hear what they have to say.

For those of us who have ever experienced the first flush of love it is that presence.  It is when you hear whatever that other person is saying as gold and music to your ears without judgement, comment or criticism.  This presence is the rarest of all.  It is the cheapest and the most valuable present you can give.

 Be present! Live! Love!

Roz Townsend www.roztownsend.com

 

Workplace Bullies

Hello Everyone

The focus of quite a bit of my work lately has been workplace bullying and harassment.  Times have changed and everyone in my part of the world is now entitled to work without fear or prejudice.  That’s the theory and policy, but in reality bullying and harassment are still evident.

Workplace bullying is seen as a genuine threat to occupational health and safety throughout Australia.  It can cause grave psychological injury and can destroy:

1.       a person’s ability to work

2.       their sense of self

3.       relationships at home and work

4.       productivity targets

The other costs of bullying include stress and absenteeism.

What is bullying? In Australia it is “unacceptable repeated behaviour that may cause harm”.  Unfortunately it seems to becoming endemic because of economic pressures and the institutional nature of many work cultures.

Unfortunately many work cultures have allowed bullying to exist because of a lack of resources, lack of accountability, poor people management skills, and poor management of policies and procedures.

Bullies are often insecure and afraid of being seen as incompetent.  They will do anything to survive even if it includes destroying the life of others.  In the end it is the leaders who must take a stand and ensure that all people are treated with respect .

Bullying is a form of assault and it is unlikely to stop until there are severe consequences for the bully.

Here some ideas from Family Matters - Practical Parenting Blog to manage bullying.

Remember  a bullying act against you is not your fault. Every bully is weak.

1. Never accept the belief that someone hurt you because of something you have (not) done
2. Stay away from them if you can.
3. Sometimes, you can’t  if it is your boss. In that case, lower your profile for a while and avoid friction until you find a solution.
4. Try to work with others in the same space. Bullies pick on you more when you are by yourself.
5. If you know of spaces that are targeted by bullies (toilet, eating area) go there with someone else.
6. Get to work earlier or later to avoid contact with them..
7. If a bully approaches you, say, "I need to go" and leave before they have a chance to say anything.
8. Do a good job, because that will limit the supply of ammunition bullies have against you. Remember that bullies look for weaknesses, so doing a great job is not a guarantee you will not be bullied, but this will give you some confidence to fight back. Much of your status in the workplace is based on the quality of your work.
9. Be accurate with your time. It will decrease the amount of ammunition bullies have against you.
10. Do not share secrets with people that may tell the bully.
11. Get along with your boss. Many times, the bully is the boss, so if you are on his or her side, you are not a target. Even when the bully is someone else, your boss can be your best ally at work.
12. There are many jobs out there. If things get out of control, find another job.
13. Learn to take things in proportion. Not every conflict at work is bullying.
14. If someone bribes you, be careful. This is a trap. When you have been bribed once, you have a weakness that can be exploited
15. When there is verbal bullying, ignore it! Do not say anything in return because this says you are vulnerable. This is how bullies know it affects you - they say it once and you get angry, so they he know this is your weakness.
16. Whatever happens, do not fight back!
17. Humour is a good way to diminish an act of bullying.
18. Do not take your anger and frustration out on your partner and kids.
19. Tell someone you trust about the bullying done to you.
20. Understand that telling on someone who is a bully is not ratting. If you do not do it for yourself, think of other people who might get hurt next.
21. When you walk, do not look at your feet. This sends a message to bullies that you are fearful and makes you a target. Pay attention to your body language in general, because looking slack or weak might trigger aggressive behavior in other people.
22. Look people in the eye, because it projects confidence. Confidence is a bully repellent!
23. Smile a lot. Again, it projects confidence. Confidence is a bully repellent!
24. Keep a journal. To prevent you from getting depressed, write your feelings and thoughts in a journal. Keep it safe and if you are afraid of it being seen, you can use the computer and put it in a document that no one can open. If you ever need to recall bullying events, your journal will be invaluable.
25. Learn to be assertive. Express your needs, thoughts and desires clearly, but without hurting anyone else. Assertiveness projects self confidence and keeps you away from bullies. This is a skill you will need for the rest of your life as well.
26. When you speak, keep a steady voice. If your voice breaks, it sends a message that you are afraid.
27. Never argue with a bully. Bullies create the conflicts to make you upset.
28. When you are scared, ask yourself, "What is the worst thing that can happen?" Often, you will realize that in the worst-case scenario, someone will say something unpleasant to you or about you, but it can be ignored, so it is not so bad.

Live! Love! Laugh!  Stay cool!

Roz Townsend

www.roztownsend.com